Parents far more cautious about letting children stay overnight with friends
A national RTL Nieuwspanel survey shows Dutch parents are increasingly cautious about children staying overnight with friends, a trend that has intensified following the Barendrecht sexual abuse case, in which suspect Mels van B. is accused of abusing dozens of girls, including during sleepovers.
While most parents see no issue with children sleeping at grandparents’ homes or with other relatives such as uncles, aunts, cousins, or nieces, attitudes shift sharply outside the family circle.
Three in 10 parents say they try to limit or do not allow sleepovers with friends from school or sports. Among parents of primary school children, nearly half say they restrict or forbid such sleepovers. Among parents of secondary school students, that figure drops to 1 in 5.
Parental uncertainty is a recurring theme in the survey. One respondent said, “I do not know the parents of my child’s friends well enough. I do not have sufficient trust in that. They are, however, very welcome at our home.” Another wrote, "I do not think everyone is suitable, to put it bluntly, to take care of my children. With a babysitter, you also want to know who you are letting into your home and get to know the person before you put your greatest possession under their care.”
Nearly one-third of parents say they have experienced a situation where their child visited or stayed somewhere, and afterward they thought, "never again.” Most of these incidents involved playdates, but 7 percent followed sleepovers.
The safety concerns include reports of unhealthy or chaotic environments. One parent reported that their child fell ill after eating a cannabis cookie. Another said their child, at age five, was taken to a bar because the parents regularly went there on Friday afternoons. Some parents also describe feeling uneasy about adults in the home or noticing that their child seemed uncomfortable when picked up.
Despite concerns, most parents do not fully restrict sleepovers. Instead, many focus on preparation and communication. About 69 percent say they have discussed with their child what to do if something unpleasant happens during a sleepover. “Nobody is allowed to touch you; your body is yours, and no one else’s,” one parent explains to their child. Another told their child, "If your feeling says something is not okay, you must always trust that.”
Among parents who do allow sleepovers with friends, 45 percent say they attach conditions or agreements. They want clear knowledge of where their child is staying and do not rely on trust alone. A majority, 52 percent, say they generally set few conditions and assume other parents can be trusted.
