Mother talks of trauma of ex killing their baby, himself in new book

A mother who lost her 11 month old son in a family drama in Amsterdam last year, wrote a book about it. In July last year, Shanti's ex murdered his mother, threw their baby boy out of a window, and then jumped to is death after him. In an interview with magazine flair, Shanti frankly talks about the horrible event and how she is learning to live with it.

"I was in complete shock after it happened. Really in shock: I remember almost nothing of those first hours, days and weeks. During that period it was pure survival, nothing more", she said to the magazine. "Other people say that they would've committed suicide in my situation, or that they would definitely lose it. But you can't say anything about your reaction to such a thing. No one knows how he or she will react if such a thing actually happens. And I did not lose it. Who knows, maybe it still happens, but I chose to live, to go on. For Elfin and Maria."

She still faces many questions. "What if I got there ten minutes earlier, what if I never took Elfin go Maria? But I especially feel an intense sadness and longing." Shanti doesn't shy away from the sadness. "I let the pain come, because I want to go through it. So I deliberately look at videos and photos of Elfin. Sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes I'm very sad, but I always feel a lot of love."

Shanti's book Elfin will be released later this month.