Dutch courts increasingly alert to intimate terrorism in divorce cases
Dutch judges and social workers are becoming increasingly alert to intimate terrorism in divorce cases. In the past, this form of domestic violence was often treated as an “ordinary” high-conflict divorce, leaving women and children in unsafe situations, Pointer reports.
Intimate terrorism is a form of serious domestic violence in which control and coercion play a major role. One partner, typically the man, dominates the other through isolation, manipulation, and sexual violence. Intimate terrorism within a relationship is also a red flag for femicide.
For years, judges and social workers viewed divorces involving intimate terrorism as high-conflict divorces, focusing on joint custody, cooperation, and mediation. Looking back, that was not the right decision, Judge Susanne Tempel told Pointer. “For me, as a children’s judge, the most important thing is to prioritize the interests of a child. And I know now that I failed in that regard. That I may well have forced children into contact with a parent who was not safe for them,” she said.
Family law attorney Ingrid Vledder is pleased that there is more attention for intimate terrorism, but the progress is too slow. “I assist a great many women who, eight years after the divorce, are still suffering from their ex-partner because he continues to coerce and control them. And usually through the children.”
A lack of knowledge among judges and care providers, combined with the focus on cooperation between parents, creates dangerous situations, Vledder said. “As a result, a great many women and children are living in unsafe situations,” she told Pointer. “Care providers are trained very much with the mindset: ‘We must remain neutral, we do not take sides, we do not engage in fact finding.’ But in doing so, you facilitate the perpetrator of intimate terrorism because they can simply continue with the abuse and violence.”
Judge Tempel told Pointer that she has noticed an increasing awareness about intimate terrorism within her field. “Those developments are moving very fast now,” she said. But she also understands Vledder’s frustration. “Especially when you assist women who have run into closed doors because knowledge was still lacking in the judiciary and social services. That is and remains a painful realization.”
The Council of Europe, which monitors compliance with human rights, recently also criticized the Dutch approach to intimate terrorism. Bianca Poldervaard of the Child Protection Council told Pointer that she took the criticism to heart. “We really have work to do here together, all the agencies dealing with these types of families. Many initiatives are now being launched nationwide to really do this better. We, as the Council, are fully participating in this.”
