Third of women in Netherlands have an abusive partner or ex
A third of women in the Netherlands have been or still are in a physically abusive relationship. One in seven feared physical violence from their partner or ex in recent years. Almost all victims feel ashamed and rarely contact the police, EenVandaag found in a survey of over 20,000 members of its opinion panel.
In addition to physical violence, 44 percent of women experienced recurring verbal abuse like shouting, name-calling, and ridicule in their relationship. This was often accompanied by controlling behavior, such as blackmail and creating social and financial dependency. 25 percent of the female respondents have been victims of this.
15 percent of women have recently been afraid that their ex or partner will harm them. “I’ve been divorced for 18 years, but in recent years, I ended up in court because he suddenly stopped paying child support to me and the children. I was afraid he would harm us because he was always so unpredictable,” one respondent said. Another: “My partner has a mental illness, and before he was on medication, he became violent towards me several times. With medication, things are going well, but you’re always afraid that things could go wrong again.”
The figures are much lower for men, but they too regularly face verbal (27 percent), controlling (14 percent), and physical (8 percent) abuse in their relationships. EenVandaag found it striking that male victims are not always believed. “My ex-girlfriend had an anxiety disorder and other personality problems. This led to panic attacks that manifested as physical violence and manipulative behavior. If you’re a man who’s a victim of this, almost no one takes you seriously. My ex once got a bruise when I had to defend myself against her. Those around her accused me of domestic violence.”
65 percent of domestic violence victims break up afterward, but a significant number stay in the relationship. Many victims find it difficult to turn their backs on an abusive partner. 31 percent said they still love the person, even despite the abuse.
Only 33 percent of victims confide in someone close to them, and even fewer report to an agency for help (14 percent) or file a police report (15 percent). 54 percent of victims are ashamed of what happened to them. 70 percent kept the abuse hidden. This figure is even higher among people who were physically abused at 78 percent.
The survey also revealed that loved ones don’t know what to do; 58 percent of all respondents said they wouldn’t know how to respond if they suspected someone they love was in an abusive relationship. Many feel uncomfortable getting involved in such a sensitive matter. They also fear the victim’s and perpetrator’s reactions.
“My daughter was in an abusive relationship. She struggled with shame and tried to downplay the problem. That caused us a lot of fear and sadness; it was terrible to witness. The only thing you can do is let her know that you are there for her unconditionally,” one parent said.
39 percent of respondents are certain that someone close to them was a victim of domestic violence. Another 11 percent think so, but can’t prove it.
