Europe responds to "Netherlands Second" pitch; Dutch vid hits 66 million views

Donald Trump
Donald Trump. Photo: Gage Skidmore / Wikimedia Commons

Following Donald Trump's inaugaration as president of the United States, Dutch comedian Arjen Lubach posted a video online introducing him to the Netherlands and trying to convince him that "we totally understand it's going to be America first, but can we just say The Netherlands second?" This viral video sparked a competition with a number of other EU countries, all vying for second place in the world, after America first of course.

The Netherlands second video has over 16.7 million views on Youtube, and another 49 million on Facebook. "This is the Afsluitdijk. It's a great, great wall that we built to protect us from all the water from Mexico. We built an entire ocean, okay, an entire ocean between us and Mexico. Nobody builds oceans better than we do. This ocean is so big, you can even see it from the moon. And we made the Mexicans pay for it." The video boasts. And: "People tell us, very important people, they tell us we've got the best tax evasion system god ever created. It's just unbelievable. You should tell your sons to put all your, sorry, their businesses here. You'll pay no taxes at all. Zero! It's ridiculous."

Switzerland followed suit with a Switzerland Second video, 98 thousand views. "Even our slums are pretty. And like the KKK we also like to ride on horses and burn things Why not replace Obamacare with EXIT? It's this organisation we have. It's great. If you're old and sick, they come and kill you. You should try it sometime. It's fantastic." the video boasts. "We don't even want your money. We already have it. We keep it safe. We make sure nothing bad happens to it."

The Germany Second video already has 227 thousand views. "Great politicians. A great leader, so smart, great hair, great suit. Look at his suit. He made Germany great again. The media totally loved him... wrote only nice things about him. Great guy. Total winner. His book? A best seller. It's true. Steve Bannon absolutely loves him." the video boasts. "Germany hosted two world wars in the last 100 years. They were the best world wars in the world, and we won both of them. Bigly. Anyone who says anything else is fake news. Period." And: "We built a great German wall. Just built it! And we made the Russians pay for it! It's true. People were literally dying for the wall. People in Germany love walls. We actually cried when after 28 years, the wall got torn down by David Hasselhoff."

The Denmark Second video has 75 thousand views. "You have the statue of liberty. We have the little mermaid. But don't let the name fool you, okay? The little mermaid is actually pretty huge. Not little - but huge okay? Like your hands are huge. The HUGE little mermaid", the video says. "The statue is actually based on a fairy tale by our favorite writer Hans Christian Andersen, who made up stories that filled everybody with hope and joy. Just like your made up stories fill all people with uh... you know, anyway. He couldn't do it in 140 characters like you though." And they couldn't resist making fun of the Netherlands, especially after the Netherlands called their language a disaster. "Forget the Netherlands. They are a disaster, okay? And Holland too. Total disaster. I mean, come on! What are you people? Netherlandish? Dutchlings? Hollandrians? It's stupid, make up your mind, the Netherlands!"

Portugal Second was viewed over 36 thousand times (video starts at 2m06s). "We abolished slavery in 1751. More than 100 years before the United States. Deal with it. And consider doing the same in your companies. Well, 'your sons' companies", the video says. "[The singer] Amalia was our biggest diva, okay? Singing heart-brokenly about pain, suffering and abuse. We'll send some cd's over to Melania. She'll love it." And: "We fully get that America comes first. But seriously, screw the Dutch. They're more orange than you."

And Belgium Second, with 56 thousand views, boasts: "Brussels is a huge hellhole, but the rest of Belgium is great. It's truly great. Believe me. Except for the French speaking part. We hate them. They're like, they're the Mexicans of Belgium. We also hate the German speaking part because they're like, the Germans of Belgium. We hate Germans." and "Our national symbol is called Mannekin Pis. The peeing boy. Each week, he's dressed in a different cute little costume. So when you come to Belgium, we will gladly dress him up like a Russian prostitute to pee in your bed. You will love it, we swear."

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